
are you fucking kidding me?
SEMIFINALS


HAYLEY'S
picks
SARAH'S
picks
explanations
READ OUR ROUND ONE PICKS
READ OUR ROUND TWO PICKS
READ OUR ROUND THREE PICKS
FOR A REFRESHER ON THE CANDIDATES, CLICK HERE
SAG WINNER

kellyanne
conway
Haley v. Conway
sag: You know, I had always seen Hope Hicks going all the way, so I feel a bit weird that she's missing from the semi-finals. What can I say, I'm just fascinated by Hope Hicks. Maybe this is a sign that I should be listening to more country music, since I hold that Hope Hicks is a perfect name for a country music star. She and Carrie Underwood would have a public feud, a la Katy and Taylor, and I would pretend to not know anything about it while secretly LOVING it. Anyway, this isn't about Hicks, but about Haley and Conway, two very different sides of the Trump administration. Haley made it this far because of her refreshing normalcy and general competence. She ultimately loses in this round because of those very qualities. The trajectory of the Trump administration has been a turn away from any form of logic or adeptness. Kellyanne is far more ridiculous and contemptuous of democratic norms than Haley--she moves ahead to the finals. Congrats, Kellyanne! You should add this to your resume for when you apply to be a host on Fox and Friends in a few years!
hmc: As much as it pains me to say it (you know, because we're mortal enemies), I agree with Sarah. Conway should advance to the final round. Sarah's right that Haley has always felt far too competent and honestly, sane, for this administration. I mean, she can probably even get through a whole meeting without using a profanity or a racial slur! That is RARE! But her out-of-place civility isn't what makes me bank on Conway. It's Conway's tenacity. Say what you will about Kellyanne (and people have said a LOT), but she hangs on like her life depends on it. She defends bald faced lies with unwavering resolve and is undeterred by the public's general ridicule of her. She decided she was all in on this presidency, and she's not going to back down.
HMC WINNER

kellyanne
conway
SAG WINNER

stephen miller
Pruitt v. Miller (Sarah)
sag: It is honestly a bit of a fluke that Pruitt made it this far, so this one is an easy win for everyone's favorite Santa Monica fascist, Stephen Miller. Miller has recently been in the spotlight for convincing Trump to backtrack on his promise to sign whatever deal comes to the table re. immigration and government funding. In fact, The Washington Post JUST ran an article with the headline, "Stephen Miller: Immigration agitator and White House survivor." You, the readers of AYFKM, will have to wait until next week to see if he can beat out Kellyanne to become OUR White House Survivor.
Miller v. Kelly (Hayley)
hmc: Again, I hate to do it, but I have to agree with Sarah. General Kelly's organization of the West Wing has been both impressive (I think Trump has actually read some part of some documents at this point! Also remember that pact he made with Mattis that one of them would always be in the country to protect against Trump blowing everything up??) and sorely lacking (the tweets. The shithole comments. The countless other instances). But anyone who has ever seen John Kelly's face while Trump speaks knows no matter how hard he's working, his heart is not in it. If this last year has taught us anything, it's that you've got to have a stomach to make it through today's US politics. But this shit is Stephen Miller's favorite food and he is hungry for more.
HMC WINNER
